1) Lie about how big your dick is all the time, and about how many white women you fucked while their husbands were away at work. This way, you feel wanted by someone other than law enforcement.
2) Bounce as much as you can, bobble your head up & down and back & forth, and hold your crotch when you walk. Don't forget to lick your lips as much as possible.
3) Wear the largest clothes you can find. Wear you cap backwards or sideways. Wear a bandana underneath the cap if possible.
4) Screw as many fat negro sows as you can, this way Your illegitimate children help the mothers bleed the government dry, and you can lie to yourself about what a "playa you is".
5) Only drink malt liquor, Colt 45, or Thunderbird.
6)When you get pulled over and arrested for the trunkful of weed in your Sedan deVille, yell racism and racial profiling (even if the cop is black, he's an oreo). Make sure the Nation of Islam and the NAACP hear about your case. Don't forget the ACLU.
7) All negresses will allow their heathen children to run wild in stores and break things. When they want you to pay for the items, tell them, "you just want me to pay for that shit cuz I'm black. You'd let me go if I was white, muthafucka."
All negresses will converse with the black check-out clerks at the grocery store and hold up the line, especially when there's a lot of white folks behind you. Act like you can't find your money and hold up the line even further.
9) Talk about how much you hate white people with your buddies when soliciting downtown street corners, then lose all focus and hose your shorts when watching all the fine, white businesswomen walking past.
10) It doesn't matter how shitty your car is, put the biggest diameter rims on you can find, and the most expensive stereo system. Ride around in white neighborhoods at night and play rap music as loud as you can. We love the rattling trunk, we really, really do.
11) When you are at a street intersection when trying to find parking at you favorite black club, make sure you and your fellow negroes gridlock the intersection. We aren't really in a hurry to get anywhere, really we're not.
12) When going on a drive-by shooting always miss the target and hit an innocent bystander. Children are a plus.
13) Make the most annoying sounds when you laugh. Example: "KSSS SSSS SSSS SSSS!!" Scream out loud when beginning your laugh, "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH, KSSSS SSSS SSSSS SSSS!!"
14) Talk as loud as you can whenever you can. Especially in libraries or theaters. Black women, this is a perfect time for you to chimp out on your "boo". Remember, white folks invented home video just because of you.
15) Black women, when going to the theater, wear the highest weave you can, and sit in front of some white people. Oh, this is the perfect time to call your homegirl if you can get reception to your cellphone.
16) When at fast-food resturaunts, hog up the front counter and take your time looking at the menu if you see white people behind you. Then, when giving your order, keep changing it around. If you work at a fast food place, take an excessively long time to get the order ready, especially for white people.
17) When at a check-out counter of any kind, try to bargain with the clerk on the price. If you can't lower the price, grab it and run.
18) Walk slow and purposely push and shove, then look at those people with disdain and smack your lips a lot.
19) When begging for money, act offended at white folks who only give you a dime or a "solid quattah" instead of a five dollar bill. This is a reasonable means to attack or mug them. When you get caught, state your reason as "dey wuz white." The media and the ACLU will come to your rescue, so don't sweat it.
20) Always whine about how the white man is keeping you down, and how you are owed slave reparations. Even though you've never been a slave and could never survive it because you're lazy.
21) Wear a lot of fake gold around your neck and fingers. Go to the dentist and get those rotten teeth replaced with gold implants. Go ahead, you know you're going to stiff the dentist. If he keeps harrassing you about the bill, call the NAACP.
22) Always talk on your cellphone when driving. Ignore red lights, ambulances, and fire trucks. If you hit someone, drive off.
23) Say stupid things like "YEEAAAAAAHHHHHH, BOOOOOOYYYYYYYYY!!!!" or "BEEEEYYYYOOOOOOTTCHHH!!!!!" Use ebonics so you don't have to sound intelligent like white folks.
24) Call the founding fathers racist slave owners so that public schools with names like 'George Washington High' or 'Thomas Jefferson High' are changed. Don't stop whining until every public school in America is named the following: 'Malcolm X High', 'Rosa Parks Middle School', 'Rodney King Elementary' and so on.
25) Burn down your own churches and cry racism. This way you can demand that the government build you a new church at taxpayers' expense, and they'll do it.
26) Spread sexually transmitted diseases (to white girls if possible) and obsessively use drugs.
27) Put your hand over your mouth and do your "human beat box" in public places so you can annoy the fuck out of everyone.
